Parenting from the inside out with ho’oponopono

Being a parent can be the most rewarding or stressful endeavor in our life. It all depends on us. Our children simply mirror our own beliefs back at us. They can take us to our very farthest boundary, and thus, give us the greatest opportunity to learn and grow.

We, as parents, must understand that our relationship with our children depends solely on our thoughts. What really matters is not what is outside, but rather our thoughts about our children and our thoughts about their behavior.

This is the belief of Ho’oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian art that teaches that nothing exists outside of us. Everything that comes to our lives is actually an opportunity to learn, and it is there because we attract it for a certain reason. Usually, our reality reflects ideas and concepts which constantly replay in our subconscious minds, without us being aware of them. This means that, as we work to clean, or discard, these repetitive thoughts, we will change, and our children will change. Yes, when we change, everything changes (even our kids) without even having to say anything to anybody.

Your kids are just your programs, a memory playing in your own monitor. Ho’oponopono is like the delete key in your computer’s keyboard. Your challenges with your kids, are just some programs playing, you can choose to talk to the monitor, or you can delete whatever is not working.

It is important for parents to learn how to put ourselves first and do what works for us. The age of sacrifice has ended. We will notice that, as we become well, our children are also well.

Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len reminds us how profound this work is, since whatever gets erased from us, it gets erased from our families, relatives and ancestors. That is why you don’t need to talk to them.

Our children do not listen to us, they observe us. The only thing they need to hear from us is that we love them and we thank them for being in our lives. Moreover, the best time to tell them this is when they sleep. Yes, that’s right, when they sleep. That’s because our subconscious mind never sleeps, and that’s the part that needs to hear it, not our intellect.

For all of us, but especially for children, many pressures and tensions come from wanting to be accepted and from seeking love outside ourselves. These pressures result from trying to be like everybody else and comparing ourselves to others.

One way of helping our children to feel well with themselves is to assure them that we accept them just as they are. We must let them know that they were born with unique and special talents, that it’s important to do what we love, and that, when we do what we love, money always comes to us. Our children must know that what matters is what we think of ourselves, not what others think of us.

When my children where young, I used to repeat to them that their job was to be happy, that they only needed to worry about being well, that “good things” happen or come to happy people. You’ve probably noticed that before. These people seem to “be lucky”, when in reality, the key is that they are not worrying, so they are in the “flow”. Thinking and worrying get us into trouble. Teach your children to surrender to life instead of fighting it with their opinions and judgments.

We all need to see each problem as an opportunity and a blessing (although it may not seem like one). When we are able to do that, all tensions will miraculously vanish, and our lives, as well as the lives of our children, will be much more easy, happy, and full.