Parenting can be easier than you think, definitely more rewarding and effective, if you just remember a couple of truths.
Ho’oponopono, an ancient form of problem solving, teaches us that our experiences and memories cloud the awareness of who we truly are, and how we can create the life we want. As we grow older and with every passing day, we acquire worries, fears, and insecurities, that create limiting beliefs based on judgments and opinions. Ultimately, we become detached from who we really are, and begin to lose our connection with nature and God’s universe (our pure source).
Worries, fears, insecurities, judgments, opinions and beliefs, are just “errors” and Ho’oponopono can help us erase them. Ho’oponopono is like the delete key on the keyboard of our computer.
Most of the problems and difficulties we have with our children are controlled by our memories. Many of these problems are created by programs in our memory bank; they begin playing, and then show up on our monitors, which then have us reacting to our children in certain ways. Our reactions are just memories replaying.
One way we can erase the memories that create the problems (errors) with Ho’oponopono, is telling them “thank you” (pressing the delete key) instead of resisting them (talking to the monitor).
My teacher, Dr. Ihaleakalá Hew Len, with whom I studied with for 12 years, always says it is easier to teach a chair to do Ho’oponopono than to teach people, because people think (intellect). We are always thinking, comparing, and telling stories. We are always trying to understand!
I always find it much easier to teach this concept to children. They don’t complicate matters with unnecessary rationalization, nor do they feel the need to understand it all, like us! As a matter of fact, having children in my trainings has been the best treat for me. I get so much sincere confirmation from them, because as you know, kids are much more honest with their feelings, because they have not yet acquired all the memories that control them.
When I tell kids, “Just say ‘Thank you’ and then let go,” kids go on their merry way jumping and skipping, repeating “Thank you.” When I tell adults to say “Thank you” and then let go,” the adults ask, “How do you say thank you? Do I have to mean it? Do I need to feel it? Do I have to think about something when say it?” We are always trying to understand, but there is nothing to understand; we just need to do it (just press the delete key). Do you agree, kids don’t have to analyze everything, they just do it?
Do you think your kids are here for you to teach them, to tell them what is right and perfect for them? In fact, they are your gurus and have come to teach you. They are here to give you a chance to erase those programs. If you don’t know what is right for you, how could you know what is right for them?
Not long ago, a mother came to me after a conference and told me her son wanted to tell me something. The boy was 8 years old, and he said, “I told my mother, ‘Thank you for bringing me.’ I am going to practice this, so I will have fewer problems when I grow up.” Then the mother consulted me about a problem she had. She wanted my advice. So I looked at her boy and asked him, “What would you tell your mother?” And the boy said, “I would tell her not to worry so much, not to take it so seriously.” I then said to the mother, “The next time you have a problem, ask your son!”
Your kids have come into your life to show you what you need to work on. Don’t be afraid to problem solve with them. You will be amazed at their connection with inspiration and how wise they are. They actually know better, because they are more pure and real with their feelings and thoughts. They are just waiting for us to get it!
Children observe you; they don’t listen to you. Self-love and self-acceptance are critical for our well-being. The best thing we can show them is that we love and accept ourselves just the way we are. This is the best gift you can ever give your child, and this will help them to avoid looking for love and acceptance from the outside world, like we did.
Love is the wind beneath your wings. You need to love yourself, be happy and set the example. Loving parents create loving children, and loving children create a loving world.
After I woke up to this truth (I was very skeptical and closed minded before), I told my boys:
“You know, you can be happy now; you do not have to wait, like me.” I also taught them that it was okay for them to put themselves first and do what works for them. See, I realize this sounds selfish, but what I found out, when you do something for others, or you put others first (even your kids), if it doesn’t work for you, it will not work for them. When you are okay, your kids are okay. It is not the other way around. The era of sacrifice is over. You need to wake up. Because when you are happy your kids will be happier. You can’t give them what you don’t have.
Would you like to know how to communicate with your children effectively? All they need to hear from you is: “I love you; thank you for being in my life.” And the best time to tell them is when they are sleeping, and their subconscious mind can hear you. When you do this, your words go directly to their hearts. Even if your child is no longer living with you, talk to him or her when you know they are sleeping! You will get much better results.
And, if you do not feel like telling them aloud, you can also repeat it mentally, every time you think of them or feel like engaging or reacting. It works even if you are clinching your teeth in anger. Remember, you are just pressing the delete key, so you can do it mentally, and it works even if you don’t mean it or feel it at that moment.
When you do these things, you can just relax, because you are giving somebody who knows them better, the permission to take good care of them. You don’t really know what your children have come to do, and/or experience in this lifetime. Appreciate their existence, and what they’ve come to give you, and everyone will reap immeasurable benefits.
Every time you say “thank you” or “I love you” (even mentally when you don’t feel it) instead of
reacting, trying to control, and worrying, you will be giving your children over to God, to guide them and protect them. Remember, God created your children and knows what is perfect for them. You don’t.
Children are the future, and we can change the world by helping our children retain their joy through self-love and self-acceptance. And, by teaching them that they are okay just the way they are, that they possess unique talents, and that it is alright to be different.
It is my hope that one day human unhappiness will be an exception, not the norm. I believe in my heart this is possible, and that with Ho’oponopono, we can get there.