When it comes to being a mother, there is no manual. Sure, you could read books, but for the most part, there is no training or preparation to help you do your job. It’s easy to be resentful, too. For many, motherhood is an obligation or even a burden. And then there are all the pressure mothers put on themselves to be perfect. It’s no wonder that so many mothers spend much of their day distressed and complaining. It’s a tough job. But, here’s the problem: if we live our lives trying to be perfect, we end up sending this same message to our children — that they must also be perfect. We make them live under the same pressure. The truth is, they don’t want a perfect mother; they want a happy mother.
As mothers (and fathers) it is very important that we be ourselves in our children’s presence — genuine and vulnerable — students of life.
You must understand that your children do not listen to you; they observe you. Your duty is to be happy and in peace. The days of burden and sacrifice are over. Putting your children first doesn’t work anymore. It doesn’t work for you, and it certainly doesn’t work for them. You have to put yourself first and take good care of you! Do that, and your children will be OK. They will also grow up learning how to take care of themselves, which is what you wanted all along.
Years ago, before finding the way to Hoʻoponopono, I lived a bitter life; despite having everything that a person thinks they need to be happy. One day, my eldest son, who at that time was 9 years old, spoke to me in the same way that I always did — angry. That moment was like a jolt; I woke up and saw myself. My son was my mirror, and the attitude that he had was a reflection of mine.
At that moment I told myself, “Mabel, you must do something.” It was right then that I started my search for happiness — to work on myself, regain my self-esteem, and start following my dreams. I attended several seminars and spiritual workshops. I also read a lot, until soon I was able to reconnect with myself.
That was a gift to my soul. It was also the best gift I could give my son. I showed him (through my own actions) how someone can change, no matter their age, sex, or religion. I showed him that life depends on the decisions we make moment by moment.
When I learned Hoʻoponopono, I learned about responsibility. In this ancient Hawaiian art, we always speak of taking 100% responsibility, which is not the same as guilt, but knowing that everything in our world is inside of us — our subconscious is attracting it, and only when we change, will our world change.
I always say that parenting can be easier if we realize that we do not need to be perfect. If we simply chose to become happy mothers. We need to work on ourselves, to let go and hand our children to God and the Universe. We need to trust. Remember, you brought them into the world to become your teachers. They are not here for you to teach them. They are here to give you another chance. Your kids already know, they are just waiting for you to realize it.
As mothers, we are always looking to give everything to our children, and not just material things, but all our time and effort. We believe we have to sacrifice our lives for them. In truth, the best thing we can do is guide them spiritually, with love and inspiration. Our mission is to train children to be happy, not professionals.
I always thought it was important to teach my kids that all life is the consequences of our choices, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and actions. We all have free choice, and that we are all choosing 24 hours a day. This is what it means to be 100% responsible. I also liked to show them that changing their life does not depend on the family that they were born to, or the words and thoughts they receive from those around them, or if they had money or education. I wanted them to know that their future depends on what they do with their life.
Being happy and teaching my children about responsibility and freedom of choice has been the greatest gift that I have been able to give to them.
To all the wonderful Moms who are with me today, I encourage you to let go of your children — hand them over to God and then trust. The worst thing you can do is worry or stress over your kids. Use the language of love and encourage them to do what they love. Help them discover their unique talents.
It is time to stop being a victim and make the decision to be happy — to live in the present and with trust in the Universe. Do this, and you will see your children begin to change before your eyes, discovering for themselves the right path toward peace and happiness. What more could a mother want?
Happy Mother’s Day!